


The Loudest Silence

by sky2sea



Series: terrace house au [3]
Category: JO1 (Japan Band), Produce 101 (Japan TV)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Based on a song, Conversation, F/M, Long Distance Relationship, Sad with a Happy Ending, pat of the terrace house au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky2sea/pseuds/sky2sea
Summary: Sho is moving away for college, away from his boyfriend. It's irrational of him to keep dating Ruki, but when you love someone you don't give up.Part of the Terrace House au, but can be read as a one-shot. Inspired by the song The Loudest Silence by Maurice Moore, as well as Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother.
Relationships: Shiroiwa Ruki/Yonashiro Sho
Series: terrace house au [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711525
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	The Loudest Silence

**Author's Note:**

> this fic belongs to the terrace house au series, though can be read on it's own. makes more sense with the series, but i believe i put enough information into this fic for it to become a one shot if you didn't want to read the long parent au.

“Actually there is a word for that; it's love. I'm in love with him, okay? If you're looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it _destroys_ you, it's love!” 

A tall man is standing in front of a bench at the park, a few stray cherry blossom petals falling around him in the light spring breeze. His hands are moving rapidly with the sound of his voice, somehow conveying even more emotion that his words could fail to portray. His friend is still sitting on the bench, one arm hanging off the back of the seat while the other is in his lap.

His eyes stare up at his friend, a twinkle in his eye.

“Sho-kun,” his friend starts, adjusting his seating position, “I never said that you didn’t love him. Honestly, it would be stupid of you not to, after all this time.”

The tall man — Sho — runs a frantic hand through his dyed blonde hair. Maybe it was crazy. Maybe it was crazy to be so infatuated with the new kid at school, quickly becoming more and more intoxicated by his presence not even weeks after he arrived. But maybe, just maybe Sho was a little crazy. Since the moment he saw him, Sho knew there was something up with the new kid. There was something there, some sort of spark that ignited a flame inside of Yonashiro Sho and he couldn’t put it out no matter how hard he tried.

But he never wanted to anyway.

“Well I do, okay?” Sho shoots back, hyped up on energy about the new kid that was now his boyfriend from Tokyo. It’s Sho’s last month as a high schooler, and he’s already going crazy with separation anxiety from his boyfriend, “I love him and this fucking hurts, Tomo. You don’t understand. I love him so much, this is going to work. I am positive.”

Sho was leaving the island of Okinawa to go away for college on the mainland. He’s pacing in front of Tomoaki now, figuring out how to make their long distance relationship work. It was inevitable; the older man didn't want to let his boyfriend go. He would do anything to keep their relationship strong. 

“That’s not how love works, Sho-kun. It’s a two way street that both of you have to endure. And even so, there are so many speed bumps that get in the way, it’s just too risky and unpredictable right now to try and make it work with just love. Are you sure Ruki-kun can handle the long distance, or even you?”

Sho groans, heels of his palms pressed into his eyes as he stops his pacing. 

“That’s what life is all about, Tomo,” Sho laughs, but it sounds more painful than cheery. 

“I can’t give up on him, on _us,_ Tomo. What, are you crazy? When you love someone, you just, y-you don't stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy, even then, _especially_ then!” Sho points a finger at his friend, riled up, “you just, you don't give up because if I could give up . . . if I could just, you kno- take the whole world's advice and . . . and move on and find someone else that wouldn't be love! That would be, that would be some other disposable thing that is _not_ worth fighting for! But that is not what this is.”

Sho is ranting now, facing Tomoaki with such intense passion the younger man leans back into the bench, keeping a little bit more distance. He thought the older would explode with how much emotion he had packing in, letting it all out into the crisp spring air. The younger puts his hands up in defense, heaving a sigh.

“Like i said, I _never_ said you didn’t love Ruki-kun. I know you do,” his voice is softer now, waiting for Sho to calm down, “I don’t want you to move on either. It fucking sucks to watch you two be seperated, even if it’s just for a few days? You think you can go months, or even years? I-it’s like separating Batman and Robin, or-or Niel Patrick Harris and David Burtka; it just _doesn’t_ work, okay?”

Ando Tomoaki hates to be the bearer of bad news, but it was only inevitable that a split would happen. This was just a precaution that he had to make for both of the boys, getting the older ready to understand the hardships of long distance relationships.

The older can’t believe what he was hearing coming from the mouth of his best friend. Deep down he knows it’s true but he just doesn’t want to believe it. Separating from Ruki right now was the last thing on his mind; it would damage him to his core and he wasn't ready to stop talking to the younger every day. Honestly, he doesn't know how he got by before the younger moved to the island. 

Sho takes in a deep breath, feeling the stinging behind his eyes as he only has a month left with his boyfriend before he has to move many kilometers away. Tomoaki takes in his friend’s appearance, wanting to reach out and give comfort but knowing that it would only make his friend even more mad. 

“I just don’t want to be heartbroken,” Sho whispers, chin falling to his chest. Tomoaki thinks now is the right time for comfort, seeing a single tear trail down the older’s face. Tomoaki jumps up from the bench and takes Sho into his arms as he bawls like a baby, leaving wet spots on the other’s shirt. Sho is whispering over and over again how sorry he is, and all Tomoaki can do is pet his head, nodding against Sho in acknowledgement.

* * *

A year later, Sho is standing in that same exact spot, eyes trailing the falling cherry blossom petals once again.

And he is still madly in love with Ruki, despite breaking up with him a few months prior. Sho is almost scared that he could spot Ruki somewhere in town when he got back for the short few weeks until the next school year rolls around, and he scoffs at the idea. 

Ruki would probably spot him first and turn around in a heartbeat. 

As Sho was finishing his finals for his freshman year at college, his heart was breaking in the deafening silence of the exam room. His thought process of breaking up with Ruki over winter break didn’t make his life any easier like he thought it would; not one bit. If Sho was in that much pain, he couldn't imagine what the younger would have gone through. Just thinking about it for a split second made Sho break down again, head hanging in between his knees as he sits on the bench.

“Thought I’d find you here,” a familiar voice picks up in the wind as he gets closer to the blonde on the bench. Sho lifts his head to be greeted by tan skin, dark brown eyes and even darker brown hair. The features of his best friend. 

“Tomo,” his voice cracks as he just stares, too weak to move. Tomoaki can see the red lines on his face, puffy eyes and knows exactly what was up. He’s heard it through the grapevine at school, being only a year younger than Sho and in the same grade as Ruki. He still managed to stay friends with Ruki even after the break up, but the younger had started to isolate himself coming back from winter break. Especially after he officially announced his university that would be back in Tokyo, taking him away from the island he’s gotten so familiar with over the last two years. 

“It didn’t fucking work,” Sho’s angry at himself, head going back between his knees as Tomoaki sits down next to him, a hand on his back, “it’s so loud, Tomo. It’s too god damn loud.”

The younger doesn’t know what he is talking about, but he can only keep quiet and be a physical comfort to the older. It doesn’t work, with Sho’s heartbeat picking up and tears catching in his throat, making him even more anxious and terrified as his heavy breathing picks up even more, making it harder to breath. It just becomes this vicious cycle for Sho. He cries, which automatically closes his throat up and he finds it harder to breathe so he tries even harder to suck in air, and it hurts even more and he cries even more and he can’t breathe even more until he sees Tomoaki is kneeling in front of him. He doesn’t know when the younger one got there.

Tomoaki sighs, not knowing what to say to make Sho feel better. Instead, he just places his hands on the blonde's knees and locks his eyes with Sho, making him go through breathing exercises with the younger. Sho gradually calms down enough to speak, still sniffling from the emotions wreaking havoc through his body.

“I need one more chance, Tomo. I’m falling back in way too deep. I told myself I had to focus on school, but my mind still goes back to him, Tomo. It’s involuntary and I swear. I _swear_ it this time, I won’t lose him,” and Tomoaki thinks Sho’s being irrational. If it didn’t work out the first time, it definitely wouldn’t work out again when Ruki moves away from Okinawa, not to Sho’s university but to his own in Tokyo that is even further away. 

Tomoaki shakes his head, his own throat closing up at the emotion in the older’s voice.

“Sho,” He manages to get out, firm enough so that Sho really looks at him despite the voice crack at the end. 

“Sho, listen to me. Don’t put yourself back there, with the long distance again. You know Ruki is going away to college, to Tokyo. It’s still going to be a long distance relationship if you get back together. It didn’t work this time, so don’t force it to work again because then your relationship will become even more strained- no, Sho! Listen, don’t you dare do it.” Tomoaki’s voice hardens slightly when he sees the older’s mouth open to interrupt.

“But I can’t shake this feeling, Tomo-”

“Sho, I think it’s just not your time with him right now. It’s just not the right time, I’m sorry.”

* * *

Every year since, Sho found himself under the cherry blossom trees at the same time in March. And every year, a surprise visit came from his friend to cheer him up when Sho’s mind was still stuck on that new student from Tokyo who made his whole life into a whirlwind.

This year was no different; Sho had taken a trip back to his hometown in the spring and met with his longtime best friend. They would sit and talk under the cherry blossom tree, exchanging stories from their past year. 

Okay, maybe there was a little bit of a difference this year.

Tomoaki greeted his best friend with a smile and a warm hug, beaming as he saw his friend in a new light this year. Sho couldn’t hold it in, but it wasn’t like it was a secret that he could keep to himself.

“I’m so happy for you buddy, I really am,” Tomoaki said as he brought his friend into a hug, “if you set it free and it comes back to you, then it was meant to be. I told you it wasn’t the right time all those years ago, and well. Look at that.”

Sho laughed lightly, wincing just a little bit at the memory but it doesn’t matter now because he was going four months strong with his boyfriend, Ruki. Ruki was stuck back in Nagano, studying like crazy for his finals as Sho had decided to come out a little bit earlier this year. Maybe it was due to Tomoaki’s pestering of wanting to see the older as soon as possible, and Sho thought it would be a good idea to let the younger study in peace and quiet. 

“Love is a crazy thing. But I guess I deserved all that heartache that I put Ruki through all those years ago,” Sho chuckled, running a hand through his now black-hair. 

“Yeah, love doesn’t make sense. I mean you can't logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical, but we have to keep doing it or else . . . we're lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in,” Tomoaki bites his lip, looking at his best friend who had stars in his eyes, “because love is the best thing we do. I know that sounds cheesy but it's- it's just true. You love Ruki . . . and he loves you.”


End file.
